How To Transform Gracefully as a Leader
In our previous article, we talked about resistance—the force that keeps you clinging to old patterns, even when you know they no longer serve you.
But what happens after you clear your resistance?
What happens once you’ve stopped fighting change, but you’re still struggling to embody it?
This week, we’re exploring the often-overlooked middle stage of transformation:
- The Gap – The space between where you were and where you want to be.
- The Shift – The small, often imperceptible behavior changes that move you forward.
- The Grace – The self-compassion required to navigate this process without getting discouraged.
Part 1: The Gap
The space between where you were and where you ultimately want to be.
Imagine a leader who’s always been the go-to problem solver. They built their success on being in the weeds, making every decision, and ensuring everything runs smoothly.
But as their team grows, they recognize that this level of control isn’t sustainable. They know they need to delegate more, yet handing over responsibilities feels like losing their grip on quality, efficiency, and even their own identity as a leader.
So, they start small. They resist the urge to micromanage a project, even when it’s uncomfortable. They empower a team member to lead a meeting, even if it’s not run exactly how they would run it.
At first, it’s messy. Deadlines are stretched, and mistakes happen. The leader feels exposed and uncertain.
That’s where we enter the gap. The gap between where you were and where you ultimately want to be.
You can see the version of yourself you’re becoming, but you haven’t fully stepped into it yet.
The gap is uncomfortable—not because you’re resisting anymore, but because you’re still working to practice and reinforce the behavior change needed to make the transformation real.
And here’s something important: your team is experiencing this shift right alongside you—and sometimes, it can be disorienting for them.
When a leader starts shifting—and is learning to regularly operate in a new way—teams can feel confused and uncertain about what’s expected of them. If you’ve been a leader who always has the final say, for example, and now you’re stepping back to let others decide, some team members might hesitate:
Am I really empowered to make this decision?
Is this a temporary shift, or a new expectation?
What if I still feel like I need approval because that’s how things have always been?
Communication Is Essential
As you move through the gap, you must bring your team along with you by being explicit about what’s happening.
- Get specific about your new standards. Vagueness is a slippery slope. Without clear, defined standards, it’s too easy to revert to old habits.
- Acknowledge the shift openly. Let your team know, “I’m working on delegating more and stepping back to empower you. You may notice me handing off decisions or resisting the urge to step in. I encourage you to take ownership and trust your instincts.”
- Communicate that this is part of growth. Normalize the process by saying, “This isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. I might still catch myself taking over at times, but I’m committed to letting go and supporting you differently.”
- Use your shift as a model for them. When they see you navigating discomfort, trusting them with responsibility, and giving yourself grace in the process, they are more likely to consider their own growth process.
Harvard Business Review has repeatedly found that leaders set the emotional tone of an organization (HBR, 2022). A leader who models shifts in behavior—and articulates them—creates a culture where learning and evolution are expected, not confusing.
Part 2: The Shift
Recognizing the Shift (And Helping Your Team Navigate It, Too)
One of the hardest parts of this phase is that shifts happen incrementally. And if you’re not actively tracking them, they’re easy to miss.
How to Track Your Shifts (And Help Your Team Adapt to Them)
- Daily Check-Ins: Write down one moment each day when you embodied your new behavior, no matter how small.
- Team Conversations: If you notice hesitancy from your team, check in: “I’ve been shifting how I lead in certain areas. How has that felt for you?”
- Observational Awareness: Pay attention—are team members responding differently to your leadership? Are they adopting any of your new habits?
Tracking these shifts reinforces them—for you and for the people you lead.
When Tracking: Awareness is a Win
There’s a phenomenon in meditation where new practitioners, after a week or two, feel like their minds are more chaotic than ever.
Holding focus on the breath—something they once thought they could do for minutes—now seems to last only seconds.
What’s happening here?
They have made progress. For the first time, they’re noticing just how unruly the mind actually is. This is real growth. With continued practice, they’ll learn to quiet the mind.
Similarly, in transformation, awareness of the moments when you don’t meet your new standard is progress. Without noticing the backslide, you’re powerless to shift.
Part 3: The Grace
What Happens When You Backslide?
(And How to Have Grace for Yourself and Your Team When You Do)
Transformation isn’t linear. You won’t get it “right” every time. And if you’re not careful, you might focus more on the moments you didn’t embody the change rather than the moments you did.
So what do you do when you backslide?
- Reframe setbacks as data, not failure. Each time you revert to an old habit, ask:
- What happened?
- What triggered that response?
- What might I do differently next time?
- Acknowledge what did change. Even if you slipped back, did you pause before falling into the habit? That’s progress.
- Interrupt the Narrative. Catch yourself in self-defeating talk and return to your intention.
- Practice self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would a struggling friend.
- Own Your Backslide. If it affected others, say so. “I slipped back into overworking this week—I’m resetting my focus on intentionality.”
As with meditation, transformation is a practice. Practice frees us from the need to get it right—it implies effort, humility, and return.
Part 4: Final Thought
Transformation isn’t just about seeing where you’re going—it’s about noticing, honoring, and reinforcing the shifts along the way.
And as a leader, your shifts don’t just change you—they change the culture around you.
So as you navigate the gap, remember: the small changes you make don’t just impact your own growth. They create the conditions for everyone around you to grow, too.
Move through this phase with awareness, patience, and grace—not just for yourself, but for your team.
What shifts have you noticed in yourself or your team lately? Reply and let us know—we’d love to hear.
Next Time: Bigger & Better Challenges
Consistent transformation isn’t just about this shift—it’s about preparing for what comes next. In our next discussion, we’ll explore how embracing change equips you to tackle bigger and better challenges, expanding your leadership in ways you never thought possible.
That’s all for now. ❤️