Hello friends,
Welcome back. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving — or as I like to call it, Gratitude Day. ☺️
This small window between Gratitude Day and the end of the year is funny, isn’t it?
We can go from “I have so much to be thankful for” to “I should have done more” in about… 12 seconds.
Suddenly, everything unfinished, imperfect, or not-quite-how-you-envisioned starts tapping on your shoulder.
And just like that, gratitude gives way to judgment.
So today, let’s stay with the theme from our last note on Awareness and look at how we can transform judgment into something far more useful: Curiosity.
::Your Five Minutes Starts Now::
As we learn to observe the present moment, something interesting unfolds:
we start to notice our own sense of satisfaction or dissatisfaction—
our judgment—toward what is happening.
“In each of us, there’s a judge and there’s the person being judged.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Part I — Understanding Judgment
We are all painfully familiar with judgment.
“That’s not good enough.”
“You should’ve known better.”
“Too slow.”
Most of these stings don’t come from the outside.
They come from our internal narrator — the one constantly measuring reality against an invisible standard.
Judgment isn’t inherently bad — in fact, it’s essential.
It helps us make sense of the world and choose what we want.
However, we often default to negative judgment without realizing it.
This tendency can cloud our perception — often because it’s a protective mechanism wired to help us avoid risk and discomfort.
The first step to reclaiming creative control over your experience is simply noticing:
Am I judging this as negative or undesirable?
This discernment allows for pause and reflection—opening the opportunity to reshape your experience in real time.
Part II — The Fallacy of ‘Knowing’
So where does negative judgment actually come from?
It comes from a feeling — usually negative — and beneath that feeling is a belief:
“I know exactly what this moment means.”
I know…
“This should be done already.”
“This isn’t living up to my full potential.”
“I’m doing a terrible job.”
As the year wraps up, these “knowings” can get especially loud.
We start comparing our real lives to our perfectly curated expectations — and judgment rushes in to fill the gap.
When you feel frustration, disappointment, or irritation, it often stems from expectations about how things “should” be.
These emotions highlight moments where your internal judge has deemed something undesirable.
At this point, you might think:
“Great. So I’m frustrated, disappointed, and upset. Now what?”
Now, we challenge judgment by shaking its foundation.
Negative judgment is built on ‘knowing’:
…this sucks.
…this is taking way too long.
…this is not where I want to be.
…everyone will notice how badly I’m doing.
Once you see your inner judge, the foundation loosens — which means you can actually work with it.
To build a new foundation, we introduce more than one possible explanation.
This is the introduction of Curiosity.
Part III — Replace Your Judge with an Explorer
Most of us were taught how to know things, not how to suspend knowing.
It’s important to know:
What our competitors are working on.
When our taxes are due.
Who’s picking the kids up from school.
The list is endless.
But we were never taught how to un-know.
We don’t need to ‘know’:
How horrible the weather is.
What an awful person she is.
What a miserable day it’s been.
These are judgments disguised as quick truths.
Curiosity is an open, imaginative state that invites exploration rather than conclusion.
It shifts perspective from fixed judgment to inquiry.
We might wonder:
“What can I do to enjoy this weather?”
“What might be contributing to her rough edges?”
“How can I make this day just a little bit better?”
Curiosity doesn’t deny reality — it simply refuses to collapse it into a single explanation.
And that shift changes everything.
Part IV — Play the Maybe Game… in Traffic
A simple place to practice all of this?
Traffic. 😉
You’re driving. Someone is tailgating or weaving.
Your mind jumps to judgment:
“What is wrong with this person?”
But judgment is just automatic knowing.
So try asking:
“What reasonable explanation could there be?”
Maybe… they’re rushing to a sick family member.
Maybe… they’re in pain.
Maybe… they’re overwhelmed or barely holding it together.
Maybe… they’re doing their best.
When you soften judgment, your physiology shifts.
Your options expand.
Practice this often and you’ll notice it spreading into leadership, relationships, and self-talk.
‘Maybe’ becomes a muscle.
And your ability to shift state becomes a superpower.
Part V — Next Up
I hope this brings more balance and presence into these final weeks of the year.
Now that we understand judgment — and how to meet it with curiosity —
Next time, we’ll explore what makes us want the moment to be different in the first place. 😉
Thanks for being on this wild consciousness ride with me.
See you soon. ❤️